Am I cursed by god? or else who?

I was born in Hindu, having good family values and culture. I was very brilliant and active and very thirst to capture knowledge and showed the brilliance of a matured man at and up to 13 years after then, my mind was changed because of reading of a psychiatric book, I felt become as a mental patient. I was caught fear to speak, mingle others, showed shyness to walk in front of others etc...then after I am continuing the living in the miserable of long lasting years of 25, still I continuing the same state and increasing the effect day by day and finally ruined my prestige and all what I build up that (money, prestige, family values, ethics etc..) all has been lost and become mentality of a wrong doer. After the age of 13 i started to found out remedies in own way and start taking pills. Even though my family members not supported, I achieved Graduate in Mechanical Engineering with lot of sufferings due to my depressions and phobias. After 12th Class, me started believing in Jesus Christ with help of my friend and pastor. But the state of my depressions and phobias only increased due to reading of bible, attending bible classes, mingling with pastors. But at that stage I was not get enlighten ( not informed even though I was praying all times with tears during all nights, may be I prayed more than any god person until now) that all my curse was due to the depression. It turned me to the loss of everything what i have obtained due to my perseverance. Now I am not believing (my bad experiences forces to think me so) in god because he not enlightened or get informed me that all problems arisen me due to the mental depression. So i hate the god who not helped me even i prayed with tears for all nights during my hardship. God gives support to whom having ego, deceit, cruelty, not sympathetic, etc.. Not to the helpless and the good doers or who first see the words of god before doing anything. After everything lost then only, I got informed from the god that I was living in the world of unreality, that all lead to the ruin of my life eventually. I am asking to god whether he helped me or he was constantly trying to ruin me in the long course of my life of miserable. He is giving lots to the persons who doing bad and very relaxed. I feel very bad when doing anything bad even small thing also. But normal people don’t feel like me, I think so. May be some behavioral problems arisen with in me due to the long lasting depressions. I was not clear during the time of taking pills ( living in the world of unreality, misunderstandings and dilemma to taking decisions), when ever stopped the taking of pill, I am getting the memory of what troubles i have been doing for a long 25 years included the extreme belief in god also. My belief in god was due to fear and depression may not be due to love of god. But due to the chances or probability, in such a long period god may create the chances to correct my thoughts and beliefs. But there also fate came first than god's help. That's why i am thinking the god I believed for a long time who cursed me. Now i went back to the Hindu beliefs and feeling some what good than Jesus Christ. I believed in Jesus Christ due to my fear and depressions only. So I forget all that life. Now i went back to the home land and the home gods & goddess that I feel my ownership in my mind and comfort.